Thankfuls 2018

Happy Thanksgiving!  Ever since I have been a little girl I have been making a list of 100 things I am thankful for each year on (or close to) Thanksgiving Day.  The tradition was started by my mom on a car ride out to Iowa to visit family for Thanksgiving and has continued.

I am thankful for (in no particular order):
1. God - He sees us, calls us, redeems us, and is with us
2. Ian - 
3. Samuel 
4. our Wee One kicking away on the inside - you have a name, but we aren't sharing yet
5. Snowplows
6. Snowplow drivers

Samuel Cary - 19 months

Our Samuel Cary is 19 months - and wow! what a great month it has been!  Some people told us when Samuel was a tiny infant that somewhere around 15-18 months kids get to be really fun.  At the time, that seemed eons away, but now that we are living the dream, they were right - this is a fun stage.  I told Ian the other day, "I laugh multiple times a day with Samuel.  I also want to pull my hair out multiples a day, but I will take it."  I don't remember laughing much Samuel's first year of life and so I will take the fun with the challenges.

New Skills:
Praying - Samuel has been praying by holding our hands since the summer. Recently he wants to pray by folding his hands.  It is so cute.  

Samuel likes to shut himself (slowly) into a room (usually a closet) and then giggle until you come open the door.  He especially gets a kick out of it if you ask, "Where is Samuel?" while he shuts the door and is inside.  It is like the beginning phases of hide-and-go-seek. He does a great job of not smashing his fingers in the door.


We have been working with Samuel on the skill of picking up and cleaning up.  He does a pretty good job of picking up if you tell him specific task to do (go put this car in the basket etc.) It does depend on his mood, but that is probably every thing at this stage. He has self-assigned himself to help fold laundry (wad up a towel or shirt and shove it in a drawer).  I try to praise him for having a helpful attitude and then refold the item when he isn't looking.

Climbing up on the couch - ugh!  Samuel is tall enough and strong enough to pull himself up on the couch.  It is a good workout for him.  He was very proud of himself the first time that he made it up on the couch and went running across the cushions, only to fall and bang his nose on the arm of the couch.  Oh man!  He hasn't screamed like that in awhile.  I thought there was going to be a lot of blood, but there was not any.  His nose swelled up and he has a scab on his nose, but no worse the wear. I was probably just as upset as he was.  He also figured out how to climb the step stool (and gave me a heart attack when I found him standing on the top step).

Likes:
Hummus - praise the Lord - Samuel will eat broccoli, carrots, and peas dipped in hummus.  He isn't too fond of them on their own, but will eat just about anything (lunch meat, tortilla) if you dip it in hummus for him.  Sometimes he suggests somewhat odd combinations.  He also likes guacamole (but won't eat avocado). 

Truck Tunes - Lord have mercy!  This is completely my fault.  I was having a "just leave Mom alone for five minutes so that I can get one thing done" moment so I looked up "construction trucks" or something on YouTube.  I found truck tunes and now Samuel asks for the truck video all the time.  He wants to wear shirts that have trucks on them.  He wants to read trucks books (but that comes in a dull second place compared to the truck video).  

Coffee Maker / Coffee Pot - once again, this was kinda my fault.  We got a new coffeepot and I let Samuel help me take it out the box and with that, it was over. He staked the coffee maker as his.  He has taken the coffeepot everywhere with him - in the car, in the bathtub.  I think we may have made 800 cups of hypothetical coffee.  Samuel knew all the steps to making coffee - pour the water in, scoop in grounds, press the buttons on the front, pour the coffee in a to-go cup and add creamer.  He dragged that coffeepot all through the house and would insist on you taking the cup of coffee when offered.  Of course he wanted me to sit with him and watch the process. Someday my child will play independently...right?

Balloons - someone at church passed along some balloons from a baby shower to us - and they have been a huge hit.  Samuel will say, "ba ba" and try to lay on the balloons.  He laughs when they float up the ceiling. 

Cooking / Stirring - as the theme of the month goes - this was my own fault - I let him help me stir some eggs for an eggbake and now he begs to stir things.  He will often have a meltdown during cooking.  He gets mad that the eggbake has to go in the oven.  He gets mad that he can't touch the hot oven.  It is usually towards the end of the day so neither of us is filled with patience.  We get eggs for free (thank you Darla!) and so sometimes I will let him crack one or two eggs (which he enjoys and is really pretty good at cracking them) and whisk them around in the bowl.  He likes to run the show and tell me what needs to be added.   

Checking out a new (long) stick

Vacuum - he has liked the vacuum for awhile, but we have been vacuuming a lot this past month due to leaves be brought in the house all the time.  He likes to take the attachments off and pretend to vacuum.  He likes to pull the cord out.  

Outside - this hasn't changed much, but Samuel loves to go outside.  I don't even take toys out for the most part.  He will play with sticks, rocks, leaves, and dried grass. 

The best of times: When he laughs, when he spontaneously tells you that he loves you, when he does something completely unexpected and hilarious, when he prays

The worst of times: irrational meltdowns or all meltdowns / tantrums, when he can't tell you what he wants, when he wants to be held allll the time

Sleep: On the positive side - Samuel does not really cry anymore when he is in his crib.  On the negative side - I can't get him on a good schedule. We spent all of last month transitioning down to one nap and it was rough.  We were finally on a good schedule and he was napping for two or two and half glorious hours in the afternoon. Daylight Savings Time threw us off (over two weeks ago!) and I can't get him adjusted.  He is back to napping for 60-90 minutes (along with waking up at 5am) and then being ready for bed by 4:30-5pm and it makes the afternoons and evenings trying.  I think he has dark circles under his eyes.  Poor guy.  Hopefully we will get back on a good schedule after we get done traveling for Thanksgiving.

I told Samuel I needed one picture of him in his Halloween costume.

Speaking of holidays - we had some holidays to celebrate this past month - Halloween and pre-Christmas.  We went trick-or-treating to four different houses of church members and Samuel made out like a bandit!  He would wear his Samasourus costume until he got the candy and then would take it off.  It was a fun night.

We also attended a Halloween parade on the town square and Samuel loved the band.  It was cold, so we didn't stick around for too long.

Paulding's Historical Museum had a festival of trees in mid-November and we had fun checking it out.  Samuel definitely understands more of Christmas this year, but I still think we have a year or two until he really "gets" it. 

At the Festival of Trees - our serious Sam

Pregnog

I want to be a low maintenance person.  It annoys me when I am a high maintenance person.  If you are high maintenance, that is okay.  You do you.  

I pride myself on being able to eat pretty much anything.  I will eat food out the fridge cold. I will eat food that does not really taste good to me.  I will eat a lot of things.

The same holds true for beverages.  I prefer water and coffee (with cream).  I am not a big soda person - the carbonation upsets my stomach.  I drink a lot of water every day - especially when I was running and/or teaching every day.  In  Korea my co-teachers affectionately called me "Camel" because I would carry my Nalgene water bottle everywhere with me and drink so much water.  (Funny True Story: one of my co-teachers said, "I saw you crossing the street the other day.  I wasn't sure if it was you or not (it was winter and I was probably bundled up) but then I saw your water bottle and knew it was you."  hahaha!) 

Throw back to Korea - when I carried my water bottle pretty much everywhere with me

All of that to say, it has been a big disappointment (and thorn in my side) that water has not tasted good to me this pregnancy.  At first I chalked it up to "first trimester nothing tastes good".  But my distaste for water has persisted. I have been craving the water from the Upper300s Hallway at Mountain Vista - that may be the best water I have ever drank in my entire life. So I came up with a drink that does taste good (most days).  Ian calls it Pregnog (like eggnog?).  Samuel knows the steps to making Pregnog and will sit on the counter and help me stir it up.  He likes to drink it too but has a hilarious reaction to it every.single.time.

This is my Bubba.  Ian has refilled it countless times. #amazinghusband

Pregnog

1. Start with an empty 48 oz "Bubba" waterbottle.
2. Pour in an entire can of La Croix (I like the coconut flavor)
3. Empty a tray of ice cubes
4. Fill the rest of Bubba with cold water
5. Give a generous squirt of flavored Stevia drops.
6. Mix together using the straw.
Enjoy!

Bubba and me back in my "Math Cabin" days

I only drink one Pregnog a day.  I make myself drink water the rest of the time.  I look forward to my Pregnog every afternoon.  I sometimes drink about two-thirds of Bubba and then refill the rest with water. Sometimes it tastes good and sometimes it tastes gross.  If we had an automatic ice maker, I would probably drink a lot more ice water but I am lazy about making ice (and cracking it out of the trays).  I have some really hard first world white girl problems.

thankful

I am 20 weeks pregnant today and I feel overwhelmingly thankful.  This blog is really for me (and Ian and the kids) so sometimes I probably share more than if I was doing this for monetary gain or some other reason.  I do not tend to be an overly emotional person (or at least I don't think of myself that way). 

I (Ian too) was thankful for Samuel's pregnancy.  In some ways it felt like a surprise and in some ways it felt like a fulfillment of what God had promised us a long time ago.  At times it felt like I was smiling and nodding and saying I was thankful but not knowing how to process the gift of a baby.  Now we have Samuel and I have had a taste of the fun, challenging, joyful, sanctifying experience called parenting. This go around I feel thankful in a different way - a deep unexplainable gratitude.  It makes me care way less if I gain 50 pounds or if my back aches or if my maternity clothes from last go around don't fit so well.  For us, it feels like a miracle - the weeks of sickness, tired of sleeping on my side, water not tasting good - all of it - is part of a miracle.

If you are reading this and your story has not started or ended like you thought it would, we are so sorry for you.  We know and love so many that have walked roads of deep deep grief.  If there is one thing that I have learned in the last few years is that being an adult means holding seemingly opposing emotions at the same time.  We are so thankful for this baby.  So thankful.  But that does not erase or diminish the deep grief we have for friends who aren't married that long to be married.  Or friends who long for children. Or friends who have miscarried.  Or friends who have lost tiny little newborns.  Or friends who have lost toddlers or big kids or adult kids.

When I think about how our story could go, I am so thankful that we have been gifted this life.  As with most (all?) parents, we hope our kids bury us (at a ripe old age).  But we don't have that guarantee, so I try to be thankful for each day that we do have with Samuel and this little one.

So it may seem that we take this pregnancy for granted or we have brushed aside those who have a different ending (or middle or start) but that is not our hope or desire.  We want to stand on the rooftops and jump and down and celebrate this baby for as long as God gifts him to us. But that does not mean our hearts don't break and we don't mourn.  It is harder to express grief (in my opinion) and Ian reminds me often enough that I naturally tend to be a Debbie Downer.  I often try to post happy or joyful moments to remember.

All of that to say, we still see you. We remember your kids.  We remember your babies.  We remember your infertility.  You are not forgotten.  We love you.  We love your kids.  We stand with you in your grief and heartbreak.  

Baby #2 - 20 weeks

I am 20 weeks pregnant today - halfway there!  And most likely, over halfway there as I am going to have a scheduled c-section this go around and will probably deliver early (which makes me sad, but I will see how long I can stretch my doctor into letting me go).  I was hoping to go 10 days late with Samuel because it would have made work easier and I never felt uncomfortable at the end.  I wouldn't mind going late with this baby as well.  Ian's birthday is March 16th and he has had to share that with with his twin his whole life.  Now he will have a kid born near the same day.  Poor guy.

The last few weeks I have felt so great.  I typically forget that I am pregnant until I try to lay down on my stomach or feel the baby move every so often (usually right when I lay down to go to sleep or in the middle of the night).  In the beginning, I felt so big.  Now I don't feel that big.  I am wearing maternity jeans and mostly maternity shirts, but I don't feel huge like I did in August and September.  

It is so great to be back to full energy and to feel like getting stuff crossed off my list.  We haven't really done too much to prepare for Baby, but I am trying to get caught up on everything I didn't do during August and September as well as prepare for the holidays.  

17 week 4 days - headed out for a run / walk - I thought about editing this photo for you, but my old online editing program is no longer free.

We had a doctor's appointment to kick off week 18 of pregnancy.  My doctor had a medical student with him (who looked so young!) and he tried to find the heartbeat of the baby.  He did, but it was hard to hear.  Our regular sitter (read: Samuel's third grandma who spoils, er, loves him) for Samuel was busy so Ian stayed home with him.  I was at the doctor's office for over two hours!  I sat in the waiting room for an hour and then waited in the exam room for 30-45 minutes.  It was like Mom's morning off :)

Samuel turned 18 months old the same day I was 18 weeks pregnant (how fun is that!?!)  We celebrated with coffee (decaf) and ice cream.  

I wanted to get a picture of Samuel and my belly to show our 18 month old boy and our 18 week boy, but this is what I got instead.  Samuel eating his ice cream and not cooperating for pictures.

I have been spending some time researching double jogging strollers and we pulled the trigger on buying a used one via Facebook Marketplace.  I am not sure if it is the area that we live in or if people just aren't selling BOBs but it was so hard to find a used BOB double jogging stroller.  I had been looking on and off on Craigslists and FB for a few months.  So when one came up within driving distance, we went for it.  And we did not die or get our tires slashed by the strangers that we bought the stroller from.  I am really proud that I did not let myself (or anyone related to me) throw down 700 dollars for a brand new one.  I was pretty tempted to ask though.  

18 weeks 4 days

20 Weeks with Samuel

In some ways this pregnancy feels so similar to Samuel's.  I chuckled when I went back and read how obsessed I was with jogging strollers during this same time during Samuel's pregnancy and how I am so ready (again) for some kicks and jabs (I don't feel much now, it is more like Baby squirming.) 

But in other ways it feels so different.  I know that I can survive a clingy, not-a-good sleeper infant.  I know I can keep a kid alive for at least 18 months.  We deliberated for like a week on what to call Samuel in utero (we called him Sprout - I think I wanted Nugget or Peanut and Ian did not want any food references).  This go around it is just "the baby" and we did not even discuss if we would come up with a nickname. 

I weighed myself just about everyday of Samuel's pregnancy (I also showered just about everyday of his pregnancy too).  I am not nearly as exhausted or trying to relearn Calc 3 this go around.  I was really nervous and anxious during Samuel's pregnancy - there were a lot of big life questions that still had question marks (where would we live?  would Ian be able to find a job?  would I be able to stay home?  what do you do with a baby alll day?  etc.)  I think I will have some anxiety as March approaches about if the baby will be a good sleeper, but our life is a lot more settled this go around (thankfully).  In some ways I am trying to "enjoy" this pregnancy more than last time, but I am also really focused on enjoying Samuel too.  

I have been praying, "Lord shape my heart (or our hearts) to look like Yours" often these last few months.  God is good to show us where we fall short and that through Jesus our hearts can continue to grow and be molded to be more like His.