The birth of Henry Joseph

I am writing this way after Henry was born (sorry Buddy) but better late than never is my motto and hopefully in the scheme of Henry's whole life, 18 months isn't that long.

I am not really sure where to start and I am typing this one fingered but here it goes. After Samuel's birth, I was told there was a 70-80 percent chance that if I had another child, it would be by c section. Well sign me up then. Our original c section date was March 20 but that was a Wednesday during Lent so I asked if they could reschedule it. Thursday, March 21 at 7:30am was our appointment. I was thankful that both boys would be born on the 21st - it would be easy to remember.

I think we set our alarms for 4am. I had to shower using hypocleanse or something and put clean clothes on. Don't ask how closely I followed the pre-op instructions. I don't remember sleeping very well and I don't remember how I felt. Probably a mixture of nerves and excitement and unbelief. It is so weird to wake up and say, "let's go have a baby"

Ian''s dad prayed for us and we were off...to the gas station. I threw a hissy fit that we had to stop for gas. I thought it would make us late and I was flipping out. I eventually calmed down and we made it to the hospital on time. We parked and headed in.  I think we took a selfie in the entryway.  The main things I remember about check-in was that 1.) no one else was there and 2.) we received the devastating news that due to a local flu epidemic, visitors were being restricted.  I was so sad to find out that no one under the age of 18 would be allowed to visit.  We were able to name two visitors and we picked Ian's parents (of course).  

We jumped through the hoops and signed some paperwork and were taken back to a pre-op room.  It was small.  Ian changed into scrubs and I changed into a hospital gown.  We spent the next several hours waiting.  The nurse would come in every so often and do one or two things.  I think I had an IV and monitor hooked up pretty early on.  It was another one of those weird, "We are about to have a baby" moments but there wasn't anything to do.  I think Ian got a picture of Samuel enjoying his breakfast from Matt and Cathleen and that made me feel so much better!

We were getting close to our surgery time when we were informed that we were going to be pushed back a bit for an emergency c-section.  It sounded like a similar scenario to our birth with Samuel and I felt so bad for the person.  When Dr. Adebayo came in, I jokingly asked if we were his first birth that day and he replied, "I delivered a baby at 3:30 this morning." I am not sure what I replied because I was so shocked. I have thought about his comment so many times over the last 18 months.  It changed my perspective on doctors and grew my respect for them.  

I went into the operating room first and had my epidural started.  Except I don't think it was an epidural.  I remember shivering uncontrollably when I went in and I was so nervous as I knew I had to hold still but I was so cold that I couldn't stop shaking.  The anesthesiologist was a pretty serious fellow but somehow we ended up talking about Korea.  I think his son was living there at the time.   

(It has now been 21+ months since Henry was born and my memory is getting foggier - sorry Buddy!) I think after the anesthesia I laid down, they inserted the catheter. Ian was brought in at some point and then we were ready to go.

Ian sat up by my head.  My two main memories were: the surgery / getting the baby out seemed to take FOREVER.  With Samuel, I thought it was "bam!  Baby out!"  I also remember that it hurt so much more.  I could feel them tugging and pressure.  I don't know exactly how to describe it.  It wasn't painful like pushing or labor is painful but it was uncomfortable.  I can remember seeing spots often so I eventually just closed my eyes and tried to take deep breaths.

And then (after what felt like forever) he was here! They showed him to me briefly and took him over to get cleaned up, weighed, etc.  I don't remember Samuel crying that much when he was born.  Henry cried (and cried) the moment he came out and I don't think he settled down until I finally fed him in post op/ recovery.  

We were shocked that he was 8 pounds 7 oz just like Samuel and was a quarter of an inch taller and had a slightly smaller head.  It felt like it took a long time for them to stitch me back close.  Dr. Adebayo did make a kind comment to the nurse about, "how it is so much easier to do surgery on someone with a normal BMI".  I always feel like a whale those last few weeks so I appreciated his comment.  

Happy Birth Day to our Henry Joseph!  I could write a whole other blog post about post c section joys but I will save that for another day.  We love you Buddy and we are so glad you are here!

Samuel Cary - 22 months

What a fun month we have had!  Several people have mentioned, "It seems like he is so grown up" or "He is a little boy now".  I think I have kept waiting for a season of parenting to feel easy or that saying that life with Samuel has been fun implies that it is easy.  I don't know if there is a season of parenting that is easy.  BUT life with Samuel is fun (and sanctifying).  One month from today we start over - Samuel gets a brother.  I am such a sap when I think about it.  So here is a sappy look at our last month.

Accomplishments:
Dada went on a mission trip - We survived a week away from Dada.  I told Ian, "I feel so sorry for whomever stays with Samuel when we are in the hospital with the Baby."  Samuel asked about Dada about 800 times.  Since Ian flew out of Indianapolis, we were able to drive together to the airport, drop him off, and then drive just a few hours to MamaG's (and Samuel napped for an hour of the drive that I had solo!).

The last time we went to Ian's parents, Samuel and I had tummy bugs and then we all got colds.  This time we were healthy - Praise the Lord!  It helped the week to pass quickly as Samuel had new toys to play with, new libraries to explore, and MamaG to play with when she wasn't at work.

Samuel also asked about "Pa" (PapaG) about 800 times. I told him, "Dada and Papa are working together." So I think he now thinks that Ian and Matt work together all the time.  It was fun to get pictures of them and show the pictures to Samuel.  We spent a lot of time looking at pictures on Momma's phone during the week (but we watched no TV... moderation, right?).

Ian's flight got delayed on the way back by 3ish hours.  I decided to just drive all the way home by myself (we were already on the road when we found out about the delay).  Samuel did amazingly well... until the last hour.  Then we were both tired and the sun kept shining in his eyes (and there wasn't a way to block it).  But we made it.  It is fun when you can see growth in your kid.  He did so much (so much!) better in the car than our trip to IL for Thanksgiving.  

On the flip side (what is the opposite of an accomplishment?) we just got back from Presbytery and Lawdhavemercy - Samuel slept horribly.  He napped for 20 minutes and then slept from 7pm-12:30am and 4am-6:30am. So I may never let him sleep outside of his crib ever again.  I always think, "Oh he will get tired, he will sleep" - not my kid - the more tired he is, the worse he sleeps.  I look back and chuckle at my new mom self thinking, "Babies sleep when they are tired."  Nope.  They sleep when you put them on a rigid schedule and follow it.  I could say a lot more about Samuel and sleep, but who wants to hear about that?

Talk on the phone - Samuel has realized that he can "talk" on the phone to people.  He really only wants to talk to Dada and sometimes PapaG, but he asks everyday (sometimes multiple times a day) to call Dada (he puts his hand in a flat palm to his ear and tells me who to call). He likes to hold the phone up to his ear and walk around.  He usually doesn't say much.  I need to get him an old phone from the thrift store (it has been on my mental to do list for about 3 months).

Help make muffins - for Valentine's Day, I tried to think of some things that Samuel loves.  The list was: cracking eggs, stirring stuff in a bowl, blueberries, bubbles, muffins, and watching trucks - so we made blueberry muffins together and then I let him play in the bubbles from the dish soap while watching trucks drive by the kitchen window.  He did such a good job!  I told him to that we had to work together and stir gently.  All the ingredients stayed in the bowl for the most part and he did so well.  He did have a meltdown when the muffins came out of the oven and they were too hot to eat.  A few months ago, he would stir so violently that flour would fly out of the bowl and he was so bullheaded about how things needed to be done that he wouldn't listen.

2T jammies - Samuel is still wearing 18 month clothing but I moved him up to 2T jammies and they seem to fit better.  He has "vroom!  vroom!" jammies in size 2T so you can guess how Samuel feels about moving up in size. Once we finish our stash of size 5 diapers, he will be in size 6.  


Putting mittens on - Samuel has gotten so much better at putting his mittens on over the course of winter.  At the beginning of winter, he basically would shove his whole hand into the big part.  He now knows to put his thumb into the thumb part (sometimes he puts his pointer finger in with his thumb, but he will let me fix it).  He used to wear his mittens for 5 minutes and then take them off.  He wears them the whole time we are outside (or until he soaks them by picking up snow).

A few more sounds - Samuel has created a sound for a cat.  It sounds something like, "yumyum" but it is his "meow".  He saw a figurine of a Souix Indian this month and called it, "Jesus" so instead he learned "how-ow-ow" while tapping his hand over his mouth.  Probably not the most socially acceptable thing.  He has a sound for "owie!" (see dramatic finger story below).

Likes:

Big Boy Anything - At times, Ian or I will mention, "what a big boy bite!" or something along those lines.  Well it has either paid off or backfired.  Samuel is all about big boy anything now.  He has a Big Boy Diaper that he gets to wear at nightime (it is actually a pull up for like 5 year olds but it leaks less often than anything else)  It has Spiderman on it and Samuel is obsessed.  He wants to wear Big Boy diapers for naptime (or anytime really).  I now buy three different types of diapers (my pre-Mom self is rolling her eyes and my current Mom self is muttering, "choose your battles and move on").  There are normal Costco diapers, Big Boy Naptime Diapers (Pampers Sesame Street), and Bedtime Big Boy Diapers (Nitetime Spiderman).  I try to be careful about labeling anything as Big Boy as then Samuel wants to do it the Big Boy way from then on.  

The other day I asked Samuel to carry an apple to the table while I worked on making the rest of his snack.  After a few moments, I realized that it was quiet in the dining room.  Homeboy was eating the apple - like taking bites of the apple - not choking, not being ridiculous - just eating the apple like it is not big deal.  He now insists on eating grapes the "big boy way" (the whole entire grape!).  Sure Buddy, anything to give your Momma anxiety. 

Playdough - Samuel is finally a fan of playing playdough!  Wootwoot!  I love playing playdough.

Bubbles - Samuel has been a fan of bubbles for quite awhile, but he has finally figured out how to ask for them.  He had bubble baths at MamaG's house and thought they were the best.  He asked for a bubble bath every single time I went to the bathroom (and at 8 months pregnant, you can guess how many times a day that is).  He also wants to play bubbles in the sink (see muffin story above).

I feel like I am especially sappy these days (until I am not - ha! then it is, "I have the Holy Spirit dwelling in me. I can be patient and self-controlled.") Samuel has moments of such sweetness and it is so hard for me to think about having an infant and our whole dynamic changing.  We are thrilled to welcome Brother, but it is hard to think about Samuel's whole world changing.  Overall, I think it is a good thing.  I feel like we have come so far.  I used to tell tiny baby Samuel, "Samuel and Mom are a team.  We have to work together."  I mainly said this when he would cry and cry and I didn't know what to do.  The other day I realized, "We are!  We are a good team.  We do work together."  I know his moods, hand gestures, and preferences.  I would like to think that he knows when I am fun-Mom and when I am serious-Mom.  I enjoy spending time with my kid!  I don't feel like all day every day is "grit your teeth and get through this".  I have a pretty good idea when to let the rules slide a bit and when to stand firm.  He is my sidekick and I am his (truthfully he has Mom and Bunny as sidekicks).  We hang out together all day, every day for the most part.  I have had a lot of small moments in the last month that I have felt proud of Samuel and how far we have come.

On a somewhat different parenting note, I told myself before I became a parent that I did not want to lie to my kids.  And it is getting hard.  I am not sure why people feel like they can lie to toddlers, probably because it is easy.  The main times that it is challenging are food and TV.  I so often want to say, "I don't have any yums" instead of, "we aren't having anymore muffins today."  Or "the tv/ computer/ whatever is broke" instead of "we aren't watching any trucks right now".  

And last but not least - the finger drama!  We have tried to raise Samuel to be "tough" aka not dramatic about little bumps and falls.  When he was learning how to sit up, crawl, walk etc. he would fall so many times a day.  We did our best not to react.  Consequently Samuel has had some pretty big tumbles and not really been too emotional about them (knock on wood).  A few weeks ago, he picked at one of his nails and it turned into a painful situation.  I tried to solve the problem by putting a bandaid on his finger (his first ever bandaid).  He cried for like five minutes and would not calm down.  It was a trying few hours. He held his thumb out and babied it and was dramatic about it (he wouldn't let me put his coat over that hand etc.) Thankfully bedtime came and the next day he seemed fine for the most part.  


Fast forward a few days and we are trying to pack up quietly at our AirBnB while everyone is exhausted and hasn't had any food or coffee.  Samuel started going through a toiletry bag and found a bandaid.  To entertain him and appease him I put it on his pointer finger.  Lordhavemercy!  He was so dramatic about it.  I took the bandaid off an hour later because I couldn't take it.  He was throwing a fit and non-consolingly crying like it was his thumb all over again.  We kept telling him, "It is not really hurt.  You are okay!"  I could not believe how dramatic he was being... and nothing was wrong.  Since then, he has brought up his finger "owie" about every other day.  It slays me because there was nothing wrong with it!  

Happy 22 months Samuel Cary!  We love you!  Here's to soaking up your last month as an only child.  Love, Dada and Momma

Baby #2 - 24 weeks

Nerd out with me for a moment.  24 x 7 = 168 days pregnant 168/30 = 5.6 months.  So we are well on our way to be SIX months pregnant.  Wah! 

My due date keeps changing - let's say this is 20 weeks.

Some days this pregnancy feels like it is flying by and other days it feels like I have been pregnant forever.  The closer my due date gets, the more anxious I get about this kid sleeping.  Those first 6-12 months of Samuel's life were rough in the sleep department (and I feel like lack of sleep makes both Samuel and I cranky and that affects all of life?).  The other night Ian said something about, "... and we will have a cute little cuddly baby.." and I was like, "I am excited for the baby to be a year old" (and Ian agreed).  At least we can go into it with our eyes wide open and know that it doesn't last forever (it just feels that way when you are in the middle of it).

Headed out to push the jogging stroller - it was COLD - a few days past 20 weeks

I have hit the wall as far as exercise goes.  I am OVER it.  I am not very good about getting out with Samuel as it is so rainy or cold or windy (or all three).  And by the time that Samuel goes to bed, I just want to sit on the couch and stare at the wall (or my phone).  I know my future self will thank me if I don't get totally out of shape - those last few weeks of pregnancy will be much smoother if I just keep at it.  I have found some pregnancy workout videos on Amazon Prime so I do about 10 minutes of something (and complain most of the time that I am doing it - sorry Husband).

21 weeks 21 days - He is face up - you can see his eyes and nose and mouth - Hi Baby Hi!!

I think part of the issue is that I am gaining weight slower this time around (thank you Lord).  I am 16ish pounds gained from my pre-pregnancy weight (which is closer to 25 or 27 lbs pre-Samuel but whatever).  With Samuel, if I did not exercise, I felt like I blinked and gained 5 pounds.  This time, I am eating whatever I want and not really gaining too fast (which is FUN and BAD all at the same time - eek!)

Baby's Profile, you can see his skull/brain, eyes, nose, and mouth

I also get a good chuckle out the differences in doctors.  With Samuel, I was weighed every.single.appointment (and I think I was lectured every single appointment about my over-achieverment in the weight gain department).  This go around I think I have been weighed three times and no one ever says anything about my weight gain.  


I have been craving food more this go around.  I saw a picture online of someone making egg noddles from duck eggs and I was like, "OH MY GOSH, I NEED THOSE IN MY LIFE RIGHT NOW!" It feels a bit immature, but I am rolling with it - for better or worse.  

21 weeks and 5 days

I think we have a name!  We have had one that we have liked for awhile and we have stuck with it for a month or two.  I may do a baby name poll towards the end of the pregnancy so we aren't sharing for now.  But it is exciting to think of the baby by his name.  

Sleep could be better (and it could be worse).  If I was exercising more, I may be sleeping better.  I am already sick of sleeping on my side.  I was awake during the night last night and I was thinking how grateful I am that I get to stay in my nice warm cozy bed.  My first choice is to sleep all night, but if I am going to wake up, it is nice to stay in bed and not drag myself out of bed to feed and change a person who does not like having his diaper removed due to being cold.  I think I have some more sanctifying to come in life.  

Maybe not my best picture, but some day I will be glad I took it - 23 weeks and some change

My back has started to ache some days so I am trying to be good about squatting to lift Samuel (which helps a lot!).  It feels inconvenient, but it is worth it.  And it is like a mini-workout, right?

24 weeks with Samuel

It is fun to go back and read what pregnancy and life were like pre-Samuel.  Man, I can remember making copies for my Calc BC final, like 45 minutes before I gave it.  It was such a stressful year.  I am glad that I am not re-living that year of my life :) It was a good hard year and I learned a lot, but I am thankful it is behind me and I am not in the middle of it.

And reading that blog post made me realize that I have yet to start a registry - do we even need anything?  I will probably make a couple (so that I can get the free stuff that you get when you start a registry). I need to get back in the infant / little baby mindset.  You forget what it is like (or at least I do, until I see a picture or video of Samuel and then it comes flooding back).

Pregnog

I want to be a low maintenance person.  It annoys me when I am a high maintenance person.  If you are high maintenance, that is okay.  You do you.  

I pride myself on being able to eat pretty much anything.  I will eat food out the fridge cold. I will eat food that does not really taste good to me.  I will eat a lot of things.

The same holds true for beverages.  I prefer water and coffee (with cream).  I am not a big soda person - the carbonation upsets my stomach.  I drink a lot of water every day - especially when I was running and/or teaching every day.  In  Korea my co-teachers affectionately called me "Camel" because I would carry my Nalgene water bottle everywhere with me and drink so much water.  (Funny True Story: one of my co-teachers said, "I saw you crossing the street the other day.  I wasn't sure if it was you or not (it was winter and I was probably bundled up) but then I saw your water bottle and knew it was you."  hahaha!) 

Throw back to Korea - when I carried my water bottle pretty much everywhere with me

All of that to say, it has been a big disappointment (and thorn in my side) that water has not tasted good to me this pregnancy.  At first I chalked it up to "first trimester nothing tastes good".  But my distaste for water has persisted. I have been craving the water from the Upper300s Hallway at Mountain Vista - that may be the best water I have ever drank in my entire life. So I came up with a drink that does taste good (most days).  Ian calls it Pregnog (like eggnog?).  Samuel knows the steps to making Pregnog and will sit on the counter and help me stir it up.  He likes to drink it too but has a hilarious reaction to it every.single.time.

This is my Bubba.  Ian has refilled it countless times. #amazinghusband

Pregnog

1. Start with an empty 48 oz "Bubba" waterbottle.
2. Pour in an entire can of La Croix (I like the coconut flavor)
3. Empty a tray of ice cubes
4. Fill the rest of Bubba with cold water
5. Give a generous squirt of flavored Stevia drops.
6. Mix together using the straw.
Enjoy!

Bubba and me back in my "Math Cabin" days

I only drink one Pregnog a day.  I make myself drink water the rest of the time.  I look forward to my Pregnog every afternoon.  I sometimes drink about two-thirds of Bubba and then refill the rest with water. Sometimes it tastes good and sometimes it tastes gross.  If we had an automatic ice maker, I would probably drink a lot more ice water but I am lazy about making ice (and cracking it out of the trays).  I have some really hard first world white girl problems.

Baby #2 - 20 weeks

I am 20 weeks pregnant today - halfway there!  And most likely, over halfway there as I am going to have a scheduled c-section this go around and will probably deliver early (which makes me sad, but I will see how long I can stretch my doctor into letting me go).  I was hoping to go 10 days late with Samuel because it would have made work easier and I never felt uncomfortable at the end.  I wouldn't mind going late with this baby as well.  Ian's birthday is March 16th and he has had to share that with with his twin his whole life.  Now he will have a kid born near the same day.  Poor guy.

The last few weeks I have felt so great.  I typically forget that I am pregnant until I try to lay down on my stomach or feel the baby move every so often (usually right when I lay down to go to sleep or in the middle of the night).  In the beginning, I felt so big.  Now I don't feel that big.  I am wearing maternity jeans and mostly maternity shirts, but I don't feel huge like I did in August and September.  

It is so great to be back to full energy and to feel like getting stuff crossed off my list.  We haven't really done too much to prepare for Baby, but I am trying to get caught up on everything I didn't do during August and September as well as prepare for the holidays.  

17 week 4 days - headed out for a run / walk - I thought about editing this photo for you, but my old online editing program is no longer free.

We had a doctor's appointment to kick off week 18 of pregnancy.  My doctor had a medical student with him (who looked so young!) and he tried to find the heartbeat of the baby.  He did, but it was hard to hear.  Our regular sitter (read: Samuel's third grandma who spoils, er, loves him) for Samuel was busy so Ian stayed home with him.  I was at the doctor's office for over two hours!  I sat in the waiting room for an hour and then waited in the exam room for 30-45 minutes.  It was like Mom's morning off :)

Samuel turned 18 months old the same day I was 18 weeks pregnant (how fun is that!?!)  We celebrated with coffee (decaf) and ice cream.  

I wanted to get a picture of Samuel and my belly to show our 18 month old boy and our 18 week boy, but this is what I got instead.  Samuel eating his ice cream and not cooperating for pictures.

I have been spending some time researching double jogging strollers and we pulled the trigger on buying a used one via Facebook Marketplace.  I am not sure if it is the area that we live in or if people just aren't selling BOBs but it was so hard to find a used BOB double jogging stroller.  I had been looking on and off on Craigslists and FB for a few months.  So when one came up within driving distance, we went for it.  And we did not die or get our tires slashed by the strangers that we bought the stroller from.  I am really proud that I did not let myself (or anyone related to me) throw down 700 dollars for a brand new one.  I was pretty tempted to ask though.  

18 weeks 4 days

20 Weeks with Samuel

In some ways this pregnancy feels so similar to Samuel's.  I chuckled when I went back and read how obsessed I was with jogging strollers during this same time during Samuel's pregnancy and how I am so ready (again) for some kicks and jabs (I don't feel much now, it is more like Baby squirming.) 

But in other ways it feels so different.  I know that I can survive a clingy, not-a-good sleeper infant.  I know I can keep a kid alive for at least 18 months.  We deliberated for like a week on what to call Samuel in utero (we called him Sprout - I think I wanted Nugget or Peanut and Ian did not want any food references).  This go around it is just "the baby" and we did not even discuss if we would come up with a nickname. 

I weighed myself just about everyday of Samuel's pregnancy (I also showered just about everyday of his pregnancy too).  I am not nearly as exhausted or trying to relearn Calc 3 this go around.  I was really nervous and anxious during Samuel's pregnancy - there were a lot of big life questions that still had question marks (where would we live?  would Ian be able to find a job?  would I be able to stay home?  what do you do with a baby alll day?  etc.)  I think I will have some anxiety as March approaches about if the baby will be a good sleeper, but our life is a lot more settled this go around (thankfully).  In some ways I am trying to "enjoy" this pregnancy more than last time, but I am also really focused on enjoying Samuel too.  

I have been praying, "Lord shape my heart (or our hearts) to look like Yours" often these last few months.  God is good to show us where we fall short and that through Jesus our hearts can continue to grow and be molded to be more like His.

Baby #2 - 16 weeks

I am writing this slightly after the fact, so if it sounds vague that would be why.  

Week 13 - We had just gotten back from Presbytery and I think it took me the whole week to recover.  I would go from feeling okay to having a big wave of nausea hit and have to lay down.  I did my best to take it easy.  I can remember vividly that week 13 was not the best with Samuel's pregnancy but I was so tired of not feeling well that I was discouraged.

13 Weeks 3 days - don't mind the dirty mirror, it will get cleaned (foreshadowing :) )

Week 14 - I must have been feeling better at this point because it was the weekend of the Flat Rock Creek Festival in Pauling and we spent a good amount of time out there.  And I ate a good amount of ridiculous fair food.  The weather was a bit cooler which was a big relief.  We had another doctor's appointment this week.  Once again, no ultrasound, no trying to find the heartbeat etc.  I was really really hoping that there was a baby in there as I get a sense of relief each time I hear the baby's heartbeat on the doppler.

Week 15 - I was feeling okay, but I was a little disappointed that I did not feel awesome!  I remember with Samuel's pregnancy that I felt SO MUCH better by week 15.  However, we found out that we were having another BOY this week so who cares how I felt.  We FINALLY had ultrasound during week 15.  They moved my due date up a few days and we got see our little cutie.  I was 65/35 going in that we were having a boy (Ian wanted a girl, but thought it was a boy).  When we first out that we were expecting, I was hoping for a girl and then within a few weeks, I switched and hoped for a boy - so I was thrilled.  Ian says that he hopes for a girl somewhere along the way.  I said, "Don't talk to me" (I was too close to the morning / all day sickness experience to even think about child #3 Lord willing).

15 weeks 1 day - I think I was headed to Cross Country practice

I also ran for 5 minutes during week 15 so that was exciting.  I was committed to exercising last go around, but this time I think I am more so.  It was so hard to get back in shape after Samuel (some of that may have been due to his rough delivery).  I keep saying, "Your body will thank you in 9 months."

During our doctor's appointment I found out that I had a bacterial overgrowth which led to antibiotic cream.  I was not very mature about this. But it is now a distant memory so Praise the Lord for that.

Week 16 - I finally finally finally felt like myself again (hallelujah!) I had a fire under my bottom and I wanted to get stuff done.  I could stay awake and cross stuff off my to-do list during Samuel's naps.  I had energy and desire to exercise.  I rarely had any nausea.  Life felt good again.  Thankfully this go around I am gaining weight at much slower rate.  I weigh more now than I did at this point during the last pregnancy, but in some ways, I really don't care.  I am so thankful for this little life that I will try to be laid back and let my body do what it is going to do.

16 weeks 4 days - we went for a run (well walk / run ) outside

16 Weeks with Samuel 

Baby #2 - 12 weeks

I have been wanting to sit down and record some thoughts from this pregnancy, but I haven't yet.  My memory is so bad that if I don't write stuff down, I will forget.  Or everything will be hazy.  (Case in point: Ian is referring to August and September 2018 as "the lost months" ha!)

Week 5 - the best week of pregnancy thus far.  We found out towards the end of the week that I was pregnant.  I felt so good that I didn't think I was pregnant.  Ian thought I was.  So I took a pregnancy test to have a definite answer and I was wrong.  The only two clues that I can remember prior to knowing that I was pregnant were: 1.) About a week before, I found myself at 10pm craving a roast beef sandwich.  Like I could not sleep if I did not make this sandwich.  As I was sitting there eating my roast beef sandwich at 10pm I thought,"This is what a pregnant woman would do." And then I mentally shrugged at the thought, finished my sandwich, and went to bed.  2.) I had just started fitting back into some of my pre-Samuel clothes.  One pair of shorts seemed to fit fine in the morning and by afternoon they felt tight.  I thought, "Well that is weird, my belly used to get bigger as the day went on when I was pregnant." I shrugged it off as needing to eat less.

Week 6 - I struggled through a few days of cross country camp and was absolutely exhausted.  I napped every time that Samuel did.  Ian had VBS each evening so that was not so fun.  We told our parents and siblings shortly after we found out.  Ian's Mommabomma had the best reaction.  All I said over the phone was, "We have some exciting news to share..." and she was screaming.  

Week 7 - We were on vacation with Ian's parents and brother in Door County, Wisconsin.  I spent a lot of time resting and feeling nausea. I would feel yucky but then if I ate, I would feel better.  Going on vacation during the first trimester is the best and worst! It was SO GREAT to have Ian and his parents around to help with Samuel, but at the same time, I felt like I only experienced a tiny piece of Door County due to laying in bed most days.

Our family of FOUR in Door County.  I felt horrible when we took this picture, but I knew it would be on social media, so I tried to look not sick.

Week 8 and 9 - oh man!  These were the worst.  I felt awful all day and either laid on the couch or the bed.  Samuel would bring me book and after book to look at. He would whine to go outside a lot which I felt bad about it.  But it was also mid August so it was hot and humid out.  We were in deep survival mode - using paper plates, eating frozen pizza, and not caring about too much. My personal hygiene was at an all time low and I did not even care.  We had some rough weeks.

Samuel was a trooper.  He would come and stand next to me when I would throw up.  He wouldn't try to play in the toilet (which I am pretty sure would be his dream come true).  He was patient for a 16 month old.

We had our first doctor's appointment during this time, it was a let down.  They did not do an ultrasound, they did not try to find a heartbeat, they pretty much told me not to do drugs and come back in a month.

I remember thinking a lot about Samuel's delivery during this time.  Mainly I kept trying to imagine what would have happened if we had not lived in a time of modern medicine.  For some reason I was fixated on thinking, "what if..." and I was somewhat emotional.  I think this was a byproduct of not laying around too much (good for me physically, not necessarily the best for me mentally).

Week 10 - I think we started telling people around this point because it was too hard to tell people that I was still sick after so many weeks.  I don't think I threw up at all, but I did not feel great either.  I tried to convince Samuel to watch TV with me, he wasn't into it much.  Everyday from 4pm until whenever Ian got home we would watch Daniel Tiger Neighborhood.  By this point, poor Samuel had stop asking to go outside - which was great and heartbreaking.  He would go outside with Dad so that made me feel a bit better.

Our cookie from Susie's Bakery that announced Baby #2 to our Facebook family and friends

Week 11 - the smell of coffee no longer turned my stomach but the taste of it was yuck! {I just read this sentence while proofreading and chuckled because you can tell I deal with a toddler all day every day} I started to get some energy back but it was slow going most days.  My goal was to not leave the house at all ever.  I tried to wear regular clothes but by the afternoon I had running shorts on.

Somewhere in week 10 or 11 Ian and Samuel both caught the same cold.  It was gross - running nose, fever, and a headache.  Both Ian and I were out for the count and Samuel was seemingly fine.  He was running circles around us. I had a hard time having a good attitude by this point because I so tired of being sick and tired. I was so so so thankful that I did not catch the cold.

10 Weeks 6 days pregnant and I remember that I felt HUGE.  I thought everyone could tell I was pregnant just by seeing my belly.  

Week 12 - Hopefully only a few more weeks of feeling bad to go? I definitely was feeling better than week 8 or 9 but I still had to lay down every time Samuel napped.  I think I tried to go back to Cross Country around this time.  I pretty much would just stand or sit and watch the kids.