Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Uncharted Territory

Ahem, this is going to be a post of uncharted territory for me.  But it is my blog so that means I can write about whatever I want.  I won't be posting this to Facebook, but if you happen to stumble upon this post, feel free to read, comment, or ponder the following.

Just my thoughts ya'll.

When Ian and I were dating, he would open the car door for me.  He would walk on the street side of the sidewalk.  He would do lovely and sweet things for me.  Some people {not everyone} would say, "Just wait until you are engaged..." like he would stop doing those things once we were engaged or married.  Well then we got engaged, and he still opened the car door for me.  He still walked on the street side of the sidewalk.  He would still do lovely and sweet things for me.  Some people {not everyone} would say, "Just wait until you get married...".

Well then we got married. (Do I need to insert a rant about "oh you are still in the honeymoon stage"...You can just insert in your brain).  Folks, he still does lovely and sweet things for me.  He carries the heaviest grocery bags all the way home and does not complain.  He works hard to provide for us.  He takes responsibility and leadership in our family.  He probably does more lovely and sweet things for me, than before we got married.  And still some people say, "Just wait until you have kids...".  I married the best man I have ever met in my life.  He has become my best friend too.  I seriously doubt that he is going to stop doing lovely and sweet things for me.  (But if he does, we will cross that bridge when we come to it, instead of critically evaluating every action "oh maybe he is finally turning into that man that does not do lovely and sweet things for me anymore...that was just before we got married").

Here is where the uncharted territory part comes in (good Lord I am blushing already).  I decided early on our marriage that I was not going to be a "I have a headache.  I am tired.  I am {put any excuse in you would like}." wife.  I was going to be an honest, communicating wife.  Ian is so great about sitting with me in coffee shops and chatting about matters of my heart.  I would be SO HURT if I started sharing something that has been on my heart and he rolls his eyes, and says, "okay, let's just make it quick.  I have a headache. I am tired. I am fill in some excuse."  You can connect the dots and blush along with me now.

I am not trying to be legalistic here.  I am trying to be real.  I am trying to provide a different perspective than what American culture has shoved onto me for the past 20 years.

And still there are women who hear my perspective, give me the look and say, "oh just wait until you have kids, then you will really be tired".   (I may or may not think this in my brain when I hear this: Did your husband still find time to connect emotionally with you after you had kids?  I certainly hope so)

Love is a choice.  Joy is a choice.  How we spend our time is a choice.  How tired we are is a choice.

I will get off my soap box now.  Oh yeah - by no means are we perfect.  We still need grace and have a lot of lesson to learn.  But we are striving.

Happy Hearts Day!

China 2012

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