So it is Wednesday night as I write this. But it is like Friday night, because I do not have school tomorrow (more on that later). If you are reading this in America and you feel jealous, please do not. I got 0 days off for Easter. Anywho, it feels like Friday night. But we have school on Friday and Sports Day is Saturday morning. (Yes, I will be going to go to school again this Saturday.) To say the least, I am confused with what day it is - bah!
For some reason (unknown to me), we left school at 1:45 today. We {pronoun antecedent: me, new co-teacher, and special teacher...we are referred to as the "young subject teachers"} went to Lotte and watched a movie. Praise the Lord that it was a movie in English with Korean subtitles. The movie we saw was Source Code. It was okay. I tried to explain the plot to my amazing husband when I got back this afternoon, but it is complicated. So google it.
Like I said earlier, we have tomorrow off school. Here in Korea, it is Children's Day. As I understand it, you just do something fun with your kids and give them presents. My amazing husband gets Thursday and Friday off from school. I just get Thursday off. I have big and exciting plans (not really). So check back tomorrow to see what I did
What do you like to do on a day off?
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Monday, May 2, 2011
The Marathon: Part 2
My friend, Sara, ran a marathon this weekend! She ran a great time! I was so proud of her for finishing the race. You can read about her adventure here. Please take note of her super cute running top! It is not only cute but in one of my fav colors (hint, hint Amazing Husband).
While I was reading her blog post, I realized that I never finished blogging about my marathon. So here we go: the Korean aspects of running my marathon:
Oh wait! wait, wait, wait! My amazing husband went bungee jumping this weekend. I just wanted to tell you that.
First aspect of Korean marathoning: Group Stretching. Everybody got together and was lead in some stretches about 20 minutes before the race started. Koreans are all about group culture. Group Stretching fits right in.
Also, there was a B-boy performance before the marathon. I am not sure the purpose of the B-boys' dance but it made me laugh. Always throw in some K-pop for good measure. (confession: I like K-pop sometimes)
About 2 minutes before the gun went off, I noticed all the Koreans getting into lines behind one another. (Important side note: Everything was being announced in Korean. So, me being nervous, thought that they were getting ready for us to start) I thought to myself, "what are they doing? This is not going to be a very efficient start if everyone is standing in line." At this moment the person behind me started massaging my shoulders. I noticed that everyone was massaging the person in front of them. Oh Korea, how I love you! I felt so uncomfortable (and I was so nervouos at this point in time!) but I lightly massaged the man's shoulders in front of me. Then we had to turn around and massage the person behind us. It was nice to have a reason to laugh off some of my nervousness.
About five seconds before the gun went off, everyone started counting down. In English. With their hands in the air. (So, put your hand in the air, and count down from five, then boom fireworks and we were off and running!)
During the marathon, people would say one of three things to me:
"Fighting!" This is the only thing Koreans cheer. Even to other Koreans, spectators would shout "Figh-ting!" Ususally I would pump my fist in the air and shout back fighting. At the end of the race, I was too tired to shout back enthusaistically. (I think my fighting sound more like this: iiighhht-iiinnnngg and my fingers would not make a fist hahahaa)
"Where are you from?" This was somewhat difficult to answer. I live in Daegu, but I am from America. So I just said America. I did not want them to start speaking Korean to me. The only memory I have from mile 19 (other than: I want to stop, I want to stop, I am going to stop in my 5 more steps...) is someone running up to me saying, "where are you from?" me saying "America" and then the person sprinting off (okay maybe he did not sprint off, but it seemed like it to me). Why do you feel the need to talk to me when I have the look of death on my face. The people at the water stops were really interested in where I was from as well.
Speaking of hydration stations, I think there was a junior high girl at each stop. The junior high girl would say each time, "you are beautiful" Maybe at mile 6 I believed junior high girl. By mile 23 I was like, "what are you thinking? - this is the worst I have probably ever looked in my life. Well besides the time I got my wisdom teeth out). Of course each time the girl would say it to the Americans and no one else. Only in Korea...
Still on the topic of hydration stations, they served choco-pies at some water stations. Think of a Little Debbie snack cake. Now think of tons of Little Debbie's unwrapped laying on top of each other in the sun. No thank you. (I can say no thank you in Korean!).
Three weeks after the marathon, I got a package. It was a box of traditional bread snacks. I love free stuff. I feel like I never get free food three weeks after races in America.
I just asked my Amazing Husband if there were any aspects that I was missing. I was missing two. Here they are:
They served Korean beer after the race. I did not partake in this aspect of marathon racing. I think I was dehydrated and nausea enough as it was.
There were some tents set up a grassy/muddy field (the Korean form an Expo). One tent was acupuncture. I am not sure if acupuncture is common at marathons, but it seemed Korean to me, so I am including it on the list.
So there you have it. The Korean aspects of my marathon.
While I was reading her blog post, I realized that I never finished blogging about my marathon. So here we go: the Korean aspects of running my marathon:
Oh wait! wait, wait, wait! My amazing husband went bungee jumping this weekend. I just wanted to tell you that.
First aspect of Korean marathoning: Group Stretching. Everybody got together and was lead in some stretches about 20 minutes before the race started. Koreans are all about group culture. Group Stretching fits right in.
Also, there was a B-boy performance before the marathon. I am not sure the purpose of the B-boys' dance but it made me laugh. Always throw in some K-pop for good measure. (confession: I like K-pop sometimes)
About five seconds before the gun went off, everyone started counting down. In English. With their hands in the air. (So, put your hand in the air, and count down from five, then boom fireworks and we were off and running!)
During the marathon, people would say one of three things to me:
"Fighting!" This is the only thing Koreans cheer. Even to other Koreans, spectators would shout "Figh-ting!" Ususally I would pump my fist in the air and shout back fighting. At the end of the race, I was too tired to shout back enthusaistically. (I think my fighting sound more like this: iiighhht-iiinnnngg and my fingers would not make a fist hahahaa)
"Where are you from?" This was somewhat difficult to answer. I live in Daegu, but I am from America. So I just said America. I did not want them to start speaking Korean to me. The only memory I have from mile 19 (other than: I want to stop, I want to stop, I am going to stop in my 5 more steps...) is someone running up to me saying, "where are you from?" me saying "America" and then the person sprinting off (okay maybe he did not sprint off, but it seemed like it to me). Why do you feel the need to talk to me when I have the look of death on my face. The people at the water stops were really interested in where I was from as well.
Speaking of hydration stations, I think there was a junior high girl at each stop. The junior high girl would say each time, "you are beautiful" Maybe at mile 6 I believed junior high girl. By mile 23 I was like, "what are you thinking? - this is the worst I have probably ever looked in my life. Well besides the time I got my wisdom teeth out). Of course each time the girl would say it to the Americans and no one else. Only in Korea...
Still on the topic of hydration stations, they served choco-pies at some water stations. Think of a Little Debbie snack cake. Now think of tons of Little Debbie's unwrapped laying on top of each other in the sun. No thank you. (I can say no thank you in Korean!).
Three weeks after the marathon, I got a package. It was a box of traditional bread snacks. I love free stuff. I feel like I never get free food three weeks after races in America.
I just asked my Amazing Husband if there were any aspects that I was missing. I was missing two. Here they are:
They served Korean beer after the race. I did not partake in this aspect of marathon racing. I think I was dehydrated and nausea enough as it was.
There were some tents set up a grassy/muddy field (the Korean form an Expo). One tent was acupuncture. I am not sure if acupuncture is common at marathons, but it seemed Korean to me, so I am including it on the list.
So there you have it. The Korean aspects of my marathon.
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Momma never....
Binks, you have failed me. As my mother, you are to teach me how to survive in this world. In all your teachings, you never taught me what to do when I get served this for dinner:
Yes, that is a whole entire chicken (skin, bones, everything). One question: How do you dissect a chicken with a spoon and chopsticks? If you are going to give me a whole chicken, at least give me a knife and a fork (please). When my coteachers saw me taking a picture, they asked me: "Why are you taking a picture?" I said, "I have never been served a whole chicken before." They said, "oh it is not an entire chicken it is a teenage chicken" Huh? A whole chicken is a whole chicken regardless of size (in my book.) Thankfully there was a bowl in the middle of the table to dispose of the bones. I did a lot of watching other people and then trying to mimic them. The soup was actually pretty good. Just a lot of work to get to the meat (in my opinion).
Are you asking yourself, "why was Alissa eating out with her coteachers?" I am so good at guessing what people are thinking! Let me tell you. One of my co-teachers is pregnant and going on maternity leave and there is a new coteacher coming to replace her. So we went out to eat to say good bye/congratulations to the pregnant co-teacher and welcome to the new coteacher. (Click here to see what my job is like). I am a fan of the new co-teacher. I asked him a question the other day and he replied with, "Yes, ma'am" First Korean I have met to say ma'am! You get a lot of brownie points from me if you say sir or ma'am.
I work with three different co-teachers. Two of them have been the same since I came to the school in August. The third one has changed. Many times. This (the new one) is the fifth teacher to take the position. Good thing I am learning to be flexible!
After reading this post, my mom, Binks, emailed me and said that she would like pictorial proof that I tuck in my shirt. So here you go Mom:
This is me on the way out the door one day this week. Several things to take note of: 1.) My shirt is indeed tucked in. I also have a tank top on under my shirt as my school is still cold 2.) The lovely jacket I am wearing I bought here in Korea. Guess how much it was: 6.30 (US dollars) Cha-ching! It is missing a button, so I will be whipping out my Caravan skills to sew it back on. 3.) I need to find something to do with my hair. It still has a little bit of wave from the perm, but not enough to look good. If you are a hair person, let me know what I should do with it (thank you!)
Question: what do you do when you are served a whole entire chicken? I am looking forward to the answer.
P.S. Binks, you have not failed me. I am a functional adult able to survive in this world (: I'll give you a sticker for it next time I see you.
Are you asking yourself, "why was Alissa eating out with her coteachers?" I am so good at guessing what people are thinking! Let me tell you. One of my co-teachers is pregnant and going on maternity leave and there is a new coteacher coming to replace her. So we went out to eat to say good bye/congratulations to the pregnant co-teacher and welcome to the new coteacher. (Click here to see what my job is like). I am a fan of the new co-teacher. I asked him a question the other day and he replied with, "Yes, ma'am" First Korean I have met to say ma'am! You get a lot of brownie points from me if you say sir or ma'am.
I work with three different co-teachers. Two of them have been the same since I came to the school in August. The third one has changed. Many times. This (the new one) is the fifth teacher to take the position. Good thing I am learning to be flexible!
After reading this post, my mom, Binks, emailed me and said that she would like pictorial proof that I tuck in my shirt. So here you go Mom:
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| I was on the verge of running late, hence the half smile |
This is me on the way out the door one day this week. Several things to take note of: 1.) My shirt is indeed tucked in. I also have a tank top on under my shirt as my school is still cold 2.) The lovely jacket I am wearing I bought here in Korea. Guess how much it was: 6.30 (US dollars) Cha-ching! It is missing a button, so I will be whipping out my Caravan skills to sew it back on. 3.) I need to find something to do with my hair. It still has a little bit of wave from the perm, but not enough to look good. If you are a hair person, let me know what I should do with it (thank you!)
Question: what do you do when you are served a whole entire chicken? I am looking forward to the answer.
P.S. Binks, you have not failed me. I am a functional adult able to survive in this world (: I'll give you a sticker for it next time I see you.
Weird-o!
Hi, friends. I am a weird-o.
This is me: in sweats and a tshirt. The hubs who is amazing is visiting the DMZ this weekend. I am home by myself (if you are bad person and now are going to come rob or hurt me, go for it, I have some mean self defense skillz). Anywho, I am home by myself, guess what I am doing. Cleaning! hahahaha. Who does that? You are home by yourself...perfect opportunity for painting of the toenails, watching chick flicks, eating food that your beloved does not really care for. But I clean. I crack myself up sometimes.
I do have a lot of blog posts floating around in my head. So once I get done cleaning and organizing, I will sit my derrière down and share with you the excitement in my life.
This is me keepin' it real: First attempt at the timer on my camera
Second (or tenth) attempt:
If you are thinking to yourself, "self it looks like Alissa has make up on" you are right. Not really a fan of putting stuff on my face everyday, but I did today. I had to go to school this morning (yes, it is Saturday morning) and teach a class in front of the parents. But within 5 seconds of hitting my front door, I was changing back into sweats.
Question: what do you do when you are home by yourself?
This is me: in sweats and a tshirt. The hubs who is amazing is visiting the DMZ this weekend. I am home by myself (if you are bad person and now are going to come rob or hurt me, go for it, I have some mean self defense skillz). Anywho, I am home by myself, guess what I am doing. Cleaning! hahahaha. Who does that? You are home by yourself...perfect opportunity for painting of the toenails, watching chick flicks, eating food that your beloved does not really care for. But I clean. I crack myself up sometimes.
I do have a lot of blog posts floating around in my head. So once I get done cleaning and organizing, I will sit my derrière down and share with you the excitement in my life.
This is me keepin' it real: First attempt at the timer on my camera
Second (or tenth) attempt:
If you are thinking to yourself, "self it looks like Alissa has make up on" you are right. Not really a fan of putting stuff on my face everyday, but I did today. I had to go to school this morning (yes, it is Saturday morning) and teach a class in front of the parents. But within 5 seconds of hitting my front door, I was changing back into sweats.
Question: what do you do when you are home by yourself?
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Momaboma
I refer to my mother-in-law as Momaboma. She is feeling a little under the weather right now. I thought I would give her a shout-out. So without further ado, let me introduce you to Momaboma.
She is in an amazing woman. Case in point: she survived living in a house with all men for 25 years. This may not sound like a awe-inspiring feat, but it is. Believe me. I ate one meal with my amazing husband (before he was my husband) his twin brother, his mom and dad. I thought to myself, "how did any woman survive in this environment for such a long time?" I say this partly joking and partly not. (hahahaha) I love my amazing husband and his family. But it was a 3 to 1 man to woman ratio before my sister-in-law and I entered the scene. Let's just say, you could tell.
Also, my Momaboma has a lot of inner strength. I had the privilege of hearing her testimony last year. She has withstood struggles in her life with her her head held high and with grace. She has taught me a lot about living life one day a time and not giving up when life gets tough. She has shown so many that when we feel weak, Jesus Christ is strong in us. She is a preserve-er (is that a word?).
I went camping in Rocky Mountain National Park with my amazing husband (when he was my fiancée) and his mom and dad. Poor Momaboma had teach me about camping life! She was patient and a good teacher. She also made/folded 1,000 paper cranes for our rehearsal dinner. She taught me how to make cranes. Like I said, she is a patient and a good teacher.
Momaboma has skillz! She is a good cook. She made me the most chocolatey, delicious cake ever for my birthday one year. It was three tiers and pure chocolate! She has some really good recipes for roasted asparagus. I have stolen the recipe from her. It is so good. She has been married for 30 years. She is one of my role models for being a good wife. I feel like it takes skillz to be married that long. (obviously my father-in-law, Daddio, is amazing as well because it takes two to have a good marriage!) She is a good gardener too. My in-laws have such a pretty front yard. On the day we got married, she wore some really high heels. Ya'll, I think I would have fallen over if I would have attempted those shoes. You have to skillz to do that. For real, I found a picture of the shoes. Check it out.
So here's to you Momaboma. I hope you feel better soon. You are a great mother-in-law and an amazing person!
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| Yes, I agree with you, she is quite beautiful. |
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| She has a great sense of humor too! |
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| Momaboma teaching my amazing husband how to make a paper crane. I think he had just woke up for a nap at this point in time. He had some crazy hair. |
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| The finished product. Obviously she made this one and I did not. |
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| Can you see those heels? So high (: |
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| I love you Momaboma! |
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Hoppy Easter!
We have had a great Easter Weekend! Let me tell you all about it!
Saturday morning, I scrubbed our bathroom floor using baking soda (not what you were expecting?) Let's skip ahead of my morning cleaning tirade and get to the afternoon....
Saturday afternoon, we headed to the orphanage. We had the monthly birthday party then we taught the kiddos how to dye Easter eggs. Keep in mind that most of the kiddos are junior high or high school kids. There are a few elementary school kids, but not many The children were so interested in the process. I do believe that every Korean child I have met is a little artist. They drew on their eggs (with crayons) before dying them. I drew polka dots. They were drawing mini-landscapes! After the eggs, we got balloons out (the kind clowns use) and made balloon creations. I was no help what-so-ever in this activity. So I sat by the kiddos and talked to myself (I was talking to the kids, but the kids do not like to speak English, so it ends up being me talking to myself). I did learn some new Korean words. The kids are sticklers, they make you say the words perfectly. The day ended with balloon sword fights (boys will be boys). The Tall Boy as he is referred to by the kiddos (that would be my amazing husband) got some hugs from the little boys before we left. It was precious!
Sunday, we headed to church. I love Easter Sunday! Easter is a little bit different in Korea. It, like Christmas, is just any other day of the year. Some of the my students do not even know what Easter is all about (so I informed them). My amazing husband and I got all dressed up for church today! I wore a dress and he wore a suit. It was nice. (keepin' it real: we were late for church...guess it takes us awhile to get cleaned up...) Anywho, after church, we had lunch. It was delicious. One of my favorite parts about the congregation of our church is the diversity. Part of our congregation lives on the army base, so they have ovens (hallelujah!) For lunch we had: rice, ham, turkey, broccoli salad, fruit salad, some form of kimchi, jimbang, cake (that was made in the aforementioned oven) and ice cream. The meal was delicious! Maybe I already said that. I love Korean food. I love American food. I love eating Korean and American food with friends.
Sunday afternoon = nap. Not planned, but my body is still recovery for the marathon (Sidenote: for each mile you race, your body needs that many days to recover. Hence, 26 miles raced, 26 days of recovery).
Sunday evening, we attended a friend's (I could explain to you how we know the man, but it would be a long boring story, so just know that we are friends with a random Korean family) birthday party. It was awesome! There was great food, great people, and the family owns a noribang, so after eating, we karaoke-ed it up. I personally like to rock out to Under the Sea from the Little Mermaid, but whatever teeters your totter (that is for you, Cat!) My amazing husband does a great job of singing 7 Nation Army by White Strips. Let's just say a good time was had by all.
It was so humbling to be invited to this guy's birthday party. His family was there, his wife's family was there. And we were there. The only non-family members. Out of all of the people they know is Korea, they invited us. Wow!
I never really pictured Easter being like this, but I won't have it any other way. There will be plenty of years to come when we can spend Easter hunting for eggs, attending Sunrise services, and eating chocolate bunnies. But we will always have the "one time when we were in Korea and ended up at the norribang for Easter" memory.
Saturday morning, I scrubbed our bathroom floor using baking soda (not what you were expecting?) Let's skip ahead of my morning cleaning tirade and get to the afternoon....
Saturday afternoon, we headed to the orphanage. We had the monthly birthday party then we taught the kiddos how to dye Easter eggs. Keep in mind that most of the kiddos are junior high or high school kids. There are a few elementary school kids, but not many The children were so interested in the process. I do believe that every Korean child I have met is a little artist. They drew on their eggs (with crayons) before dying them. I drew polka dots. They were drawing mini-landscapes! After the eggs, we got balloons out (the kind clowns use) and made balloon creations. I was no help what-so-ever in this activity. So I sat by the kiddos and talked to myself (I was talking to the kids, but the kids do not like to speak English, so it ends up being me talking to myself). I did learn some new Korean words. The kids are sticklers, they make you say the words perfectly. The day ended with balloon sword fights (boys will be boys). The Tall Boy as he is referred to by the kiddos (that would be my amazing husband) got some hugs from the little boys before we left. It was precious!
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| These are eggs that the kiddos dyed and gave to my amazing husband |
Sunday, we headed to church. I love Easter Sunday! Easter is a little bit different in Korea. It, like Christmas, is just any other day of the year. Some of the my students do not even know what Easter is all about (so I informed them). My amazing husband and I got all dressed up for church today! I wore a dress and he wore a suit. It was nice. (keepin' it real: we were late for church...guess it takes us awhile to get cleaned up...) Anywho, after church, we had lunch. It was delicious. One of my favorite parts about the congregation of our church is the diversity. Part of our congregation lives on the army base, so they have ovens (hallelujah!) For lunch we had: rice, ham, turkey, broccoli salad, fruit salad, some form of kimchi, jimbang, cake (that was made in the aforementioned oven) and ice cream. The meal was delicious! Maybe I already said that. I love Korean food. I love American food. I love eating Korean and American food with friends.
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| These are dyed eggs from the orphanage kiddos, can you guess which one was dyed by a fourth grader and which I did? |
Sunday afternoon = nap. Not planned, but my body is still recovery for the marathon (Sidenote: for each mile you race, your body needs that many days to recover. Hence, 26 miles raced, 26 days of recovery).
Sunday evening, we attended a friend's (I could explain to you how we know the man, but it would be a long boring story, so just know that we are friends with a random Korean family) birthday party. It was awesome! There was great food, great people, and the family owns a noribang, so after eating, we karaoke-ed it up. I personally like to rock out to Under the Sea from the Little Mermaid, but whatever teeters your totter (that is for you, Cat!) My amazing husband does a great job of singing 7 Nation Army by White Strips. Let's just say a good time was had by all.
It was so humbling to be invited to this guy's birthday party. His family was there, his wife's family was there. And we were there. The only non-family members. Out of all of the people they know is Korea, they invited us. Wow!
I never really pictured Easter being like this, but I won't have it any other way. There will be plenty of years to come when we can spend Easter hunting for eggs, attending Sunrise services, and eating chocolate bunnies. But we will always have the "one time when we were in Korea and ended up at the norribang for Easter" memory.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
A Long Quote
I read Celebration of Disciplines by Richard Foster my sophomore year of college for a class I was taking. I have to admit, it was good, but I did not really soak in the book. I was also taking 2 math classes the same semester (read: 4 hours of math homework a night) and running 50 miles a week. So I did the good ol' college "skim/read it while I am walking places, while I eat, while I check my email" etc. Multi-tasking is not the best for absorption.
Anywho, I read part of the book again this past December. And now, I am diving in to read the whole thing. My amazing husband has amassed quite a few book about Spiritual Disciplines in our cozy little apartment. So I am planning on reading a book by (gasp) Dallas Willard after this. I am not sure I will make it through, but I will try. Now I am rambling (what's new?)
I wanted to share this really long quote with you. It convicted me in December and it has been convicting me all week. (If you get bored or distracted while reading, at least read the last two paragraphs, okay?) Here we go:
"We are accustomed to thinking of sin as individual acts of disobedience to God. This is true enough as far as it goes, but Scripture goes much further.* (*Footnote: Sin is such a complex matter that the Hebrew language has eight different words for it, and all eight are found in the Bible.) In Romans the apostle Paul frequently refers to sin as a condition that plaques the human race (i.e., Rom. 3:9-18). Sin as a condition works its way out through the "bodily members," that is, the ingrained habits of the body (Rom. 7:5ff). And there is no slavery that can compare to the slavery of ingrained habits of sin.
Isaiah 57:20 says, "The wicked are like the tossing sea; for it cannot rest, and its waters toss up mire and dirt." The sea does not need to do anything special to produce mire and dirt; that is the result of its natural motions. This is also true of us when we are under the condition of sin. The natural motions of our lives produce mire and dirt. Sin is part of the internal structure of our lives. No special effort is needed to produce it. No wonder we feel trapped.
Our ordinary method of dealing with ingrained sin is to launch a frontal attack. We rely on our willpower and determination. Whatever may be the issue for us - anger, fear, bitterness, gluttony, pride, lust, substance abuse-we determine never to do it again; we pray against it, fight against it, set our will against it. But the struggle is all in vain, and we find ourselves again morally bankrupt or, worse yet, so proud of our external righteousness that "whitened sepulchers" is a mild description of our condition. In his excellent little book entitled Freedom from Sinful Thoughts Heini Arnold writes, "We...want to make it quite clear that we cannot free and purify our own heart by exerting our own 'will.' " (He cites this in the back of the book.)
In Colossians Paul lists some of the outward forms that people use to control sin: "touch not, taste not, handle not." He then adds that these things "have indeed a show of wisdom in will worship" (Col. 2:20-23, KJV, [italics added]). "Will worship" -what a telling phrase, and how descriptive of so much of our lives! The moment we feel we can succeed and attain victory over sin by the strength of our will alone is the moment we are worshiping the will. Isn't it ironic that Paul looks at our most strenuous efforts in the spiritual walk and calls them idolatry, "will worship"?"
Are you still with me? You can go back and reread it if you would like (I personally like to read out-loud to myself but whatever flips your pancake).
Let's continue...
"Willpower will never succeed in dealing with the deeply ingrained habits of sin. Emmet Fox writes, 'As soon as you resist mentally any desirable or unwanted circumstance, you thereby endow it with more power-power which it will use against you, and you will have depleted your own resources to that exact extent.' (He cites this in the back of the book). Heini Arnold concludes, 'As long as we think we can save ourselves by our own will power, we will only make the evil in us stronger than ever.' (He cites this in the back of the book.) This same truth has been experienced by all the great writers of the devotional life from St. Augustine to St. Francis, from John Calvin to John Welsey, from Teresa of Avila to Juliana of Norwich.
'Will worship' may produce an outward show of success for a time, but in the cracks and crevices of our lives our deep inner condition will eventually be revealed. Jesus describes this condition when he speaks of the external righteousness of the Pharisees. "Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks...I tell you, on the day of judgement men will render account for every careless word they utter" (Matt. 12:34-36, [italics added]). You see, by dint of will people can make a good showing for a time, but sooner or later there will come that unguarded moment when the 'careless word' will slip out to reveal the true condition of the heart. If we are full of passion, it will be revealed; if we are full of bitterness, that also will be revealed.
It is not that we plan to be this way. We have no intention of exploding with anger or of parading a sticky arrogance, but when we are with people, what we are comes out. Though we may try with all of our might to hide these things, we are betrayed by our eyes, our tongue, our chin, our hands, our whole body language. Willpower has no defense against the careless word, the unguarded moment. The will has the same deficiency as the law-it can deal only with the externals. It is incapable of bringing about the necessary transformation of the inner spirit."
Only one more sentence to go ya'll: "When we despair of gaining inner transformation through human powers of will and determination, we are open to a wonderful new realization: inner righteousness is a gift from God to be graciously received."
All quotes taken from Richard Foster's Celebration of Disciplines, pages 4-6
This leaves me with two questions: In the words of my college track coach, "How is your heart?" and "Am I worshiping my own will in trying to do what only Jesus can do?"
And yes, in case you were wondering, I am listening to Christmas music while I write this.
Anywho, I read part of the book again this past December. And now, I am diving in to read the whole thing. My amazing husband has amassed quite a few book about Spiritual Disciplines in our cozy little apartment. So I am planning on reading a book by (gasp) Dallas Willard after this. I am not sure I will make it through, but I will try. Now I am rambling (what's new?)
I wanted to share this really long quote with you. It convicted me in December and it has been convicting me all week. (If you get bored or distracted while reading, at least read the last two paragraphs, okay?) Here we go:
"We are accustomed to thinking of sin as individual acts of disobedience to God. This is true enough as far as it goes, but Scripture goes much further.* (*Footnote: Sin is such a complex matter that the Hebrew language has eight different words for it, and all eight are found in the Bible.) In Romans the apostle Paul frequently refers to sin as a condition that plaques the human race (i.e., Rom. 3:9-18). Sin as a condition works its way out through the "bodily members," that is, the ingrained habits of the body (Rom. 7:5ff). And there is no slavery that can compare to the slavery of ingrained habits of sin.
Isaiah 57:20 says, "The wicked are like the tossing sea; for it cannot rest, and its waters toss up mire and dirt." The sea does not need to do anything special to produce mire and dirt; that is the result of its natural motions. This is also true of us when we are under the condition of sin. The natural motions of our lives produce mire and dirt. Sin is part of the internal structure of our lives. No special effort is needed to produce it. No wonder we feel trapped.
Our ordinary method of dealing with ingrained sin is to launch a frontal attack. We rely on our willpower and determination. Whatever may be the issue for us - anger, fear, bitterness, gluttony, pride, lust, substance abuse-we determine never to do it again; we pray against it, fight against it, set our will against it. But the struggle is all in vain, and we find ourselves again morally bankrupt or, worse yet, so proud of our external righteousness that "whitened sepulchers" is a mild description of our condition. In his excellent little book entitled Freedom from Sinful Thoughts Heini Arnold writes, "We...want to make it quite clear that we cannot free and purify our own heart by exerting our own 'will.' " (He cites this in the back of the book.)
In Colossians Paul lists some of the outward forms that people use to control sin: "touch not, taste not, handle not." He then adds that these things "have indeed a show of wisdom in will worship" (Col. 2:20-23, KJV, [italics added]). "Will worship" -what a telling phrase, and how descriptive of so much of our lives! The moment we feel we can succeed and attain victory over sin by the strength of our will alone is the moment we are worshiping the will. Isn't it ironic that Paul looks at our most strenuous efforts in the spiritual walk and calls them idolatry, "will worship"?"
Are you still with me? You can go back and reread it if you would like (I personally like to read out-loud to myself but whatever flips your pancake).
Let's continue...
"Willpower will never succeed in dealing with the deeply ingrained habits of sin. Emmet Fox writes, 'As soon as you resist mentally any desirable or unwanted circumstance, you thereby endow it with more power-power which it will use against you, and you will have depleted your own resources to that exact extent.' (He cites this in the back of the book). Heini Arnold concludes, 'As long as we think we can save ourselves by our own will power, we will only make the evil in us stronger than ever.' (He cites this in the back of the book.) This same truth has been experienced by all the great writers of the devotional life from St. Augustine to St. Francis, from John Calvin to John Welsey, from Teresa of Avila to Juliana of Norwich.
'Will worship' may produce an outward show of success for a time, but in the cracks and crevices of our lives our deep inner condition will eventually be revealed. Jesus describes this condition when he speaks of the external righteousness of the Pharisees. "Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks...I tell you, on the day of judgement men will render account for every careless word they utter" (Matt. 12:34-36, [italics added]). You see, by dint of will people can make a good showing for a time, but sooner or later there will come that unguarded moment when the 'careless word' will slip out to reveal the true condition of the heart. If we are full of passion, it will be revealed; if we are full of bitterness, that also will be revealed.
It is not that we plan to be this way. We have no intention of exploding with anger or of parading a sticky arrogance, but when we are with people, what we are comes out. Though we may try with all of our might to hide these things, we are betrayed by our eyes, our tongue, our chin, our hands, our whole body language. Willpower has no defense against the careless word, the unguarded moment. The will has the same deficiency as the law-it can deal only with the externals. It is incapable of bringing about the necessary transformation of the inner spirit."
Only one more sentence to go ya'll: "When we despair of gaining inner transformation through human powers of will and determination, we are open to a wonderful new realization: inner righteousness is a gift from God to be graciously received."
All quotes taken from Richard Foster's Celebration of Disciplines, pages 4-6
This leaves me with two questions: In the words of my college track coach, "How is your heart?" and "Am I worshiping my own will in trying to do what only Jesus can do?"
And yes, in case you were wondering, I am listening to Christmas music while I write this.
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