Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Clearly, we disagree Ms. Nagy

I think it is important that you read this article first (the title of the post is: Why I Believe Marriage Shouldn't Be Allowed Before Age 25).  I am writing this blog post in direct response to what Ms. Nagy has written.

Well, respectfully, I disagree.

First and foremost, I would like to express that my heart breaks for you, Ms. Nagy.  As in, I read a few other posts you have written (this one and this one) and I was seriously almost crying.  But I am at work right now and bawling my eyes out for someone I had never met in my life before did not seem quite doable.  But oh sista, I am so sorry for you.  I do not want to say this in a cold or harsh way, but Ms. Nagy, you need Jesus.  He won't make you happy all the time.  But He will be the best thing that ever happens in your life.  I promise.

Secondly, (sorry to the English High School teachers that are inwardly groaning right now, but it seemed like a good word) trying to suggest a law about what age you can marry is foolish.  If you read some of the comments of the blog post that Ms. Nagy wrote, you will quickly see that there are a plethora of counterexamples.  I do not need to list anymore here.  I do have concern that if a government would make a law stating that you can only marry after a certain age (say 25), that the rate of co-habitation before marriage would increase.  This concerns me greatly as co-habituation (in my humble opinion) is not healthy and studies show that co-habitation before marriage leads to a higher divorce rates.  

Thirdly, I sense that this is an underlying idea to Ms. Nagy's post.  If you wait until you are 25 to get married, then you won't get divorced.  If you discover yourself before you get married, then you won't get divorced.  It seems that she holds the idea that if you x, y, and z before you get married, then your marriage is divorce-proof.  Sadly, I found this underlying idea in a book I saw advertised recently.  (I guess I should say, that I could be wrong.  Maybe neither one of the individuals holds this view and I made it up in my mind.)  Here is what I have observed: divorce-proofing your marriage is not so much what you do before you get married (although those choices factor in) it is more what you do day-in and day-out of your married life.  It really saddens me that people are worrying about divorce-proofing marriages.  

It is like suggesting that we go swimming and then worrying about drown-proofing our time in the pool.  Why don't we just focus on swimming?  In my experience, it is really fun (both marriage and swimming).  Of course, you (we) need to guard against the foxes, but if your concern before you get married is about getting divorced, you might want to take some serious time to reflect on that. 

I believe, Ms. Nagy, that the purpose of marriage is to bring glory to God.  I guess you got confused or missed the memo and thought it was about personal happiness or discovering yourself.  (For the record, I think getting married young helped me to discover myself.)  But it is not.  It is not about puppy-love lasting forever.  It is acknowledging that I am a broken sinner, as is my husband, and yet God can bring something beautiful and worthy of glorifying His name out of our union.  That is amazing and humbling to me.

And no, I don't believe that unicorns or fairies exist.  I do believe that God is faithful and He will continue to sustain my marriage for many, many years to come.

Just sayin'...